Layers

Layers. By Cathy Tesar

I'm a word girl.  I love words, love how writers knit them together to make beautifully woven pieces of art in written form. So when I read a Bible verse and a word or sentence catches my attention, I try to slow down to figure out what God wants me to learn. And the verse in Ephesians and the word "let" was one such word. The New International Version tells us to “get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”  But this translation in the English Standard Version instructs us to “let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”  When I focus on the word “let,” it makes me think of one action: surrender.  

Sometimes there are layers of lessons to be learned from one bible verse.  Especially when it comes to our faulty human heart.  I wrote this verse on a sticky note and just let it simmer in my mind for a few days.  The first lesson God showed me is that sometimes I do the opposite of surrendering.  Sometimes I purposefully hold on to anger.  I purposefully hold on to bitterness. As I hold on to these emotions, I replay the painful events or the hurtful words spoken to me.  The more I think about these past events, the more I focus on the wrong that’s been done to me and the loss I’ve suffered.  All of which only cause these destructive emotions to build, further consuming me.  

That was an eye-opening revelation in and of itself.  I humbly thanked God for it and asked for His help to let go of these emotions.  But this verse kept tugging at my heart.  So I copied it onto another sticky note and thought about it more.  I prayed and asked God to help me dig to find what was under the surface.  As I thought about this verse and thought about “letting” these things be put away from me, God showed me a deeply buried false belief that was the true source of my habit: I was holding onto that bitterness, holding onto that anger as a placeholder.  A ledger.  An emotional scorecard.  I was holding on to that anger and bitterness because I expected to be repaid for the wrongs I’d suffered, if not by the people who hurt me, then by the God who saw it happen.  Ouch.    
 
I accepted Christ as my Savior years ago.  I admitted my sin and humbly accepted His forgiveness.  I knew the Lord’s sacrifice and forgiveness was for everyone.   And I thought I’d forgiven the people involved with those specific past hurts.  But all this time I’d been keeping a hidden record.  Not for all the wrongs done to me, just for the really painful ones.  God uncovered a very wrong belief buried under surface-level emotions.  

God tells us to let all these be put away from us.  I have to let all that debt be erased, washed by the blood of the Lamb.  Because if anyone gets to keep a scorecard, it’s God, and He chose not to.  In Psalm 103: 10, the bible tells us that God “does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our inequities.  For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us.”  The debt that I think I’m owed - it’s all been paid.  I have to surrender these emotions, surrender the scorecard and surrender my perceived right to hold on to any of it – and let the One who heals my hurting heart put it all away from me.              

Challenge: 
Write this verse down, repeat it, and think about it.  Spend some quiet time with God.  What are the emotions, thoughts or actions that need to be put away from you?   Ask for God’s help to identify them and let them go.  

Prayer:
Thank you heavenly Father that you see everything that is going on in our hearts.  Thank you for your steadfast love.  Please heal our hearts as you show us emotions, thoughts or actions that we need to let go.  Refill us to overflowing with your great love, forgiveness, kindness and mercy.